Break-Point ESF - Completed!!!

Its official! 
We TEAM ELITE 
Part of TEAM FORTITUDE

completed Break-Point ESF ON 01/10/2016!
For Rock2Recovery  

My thought process on 04/10/16.

I am sat here with a cup of tea despo trying to fathom what happened to myself and the team this weekend. I cant quite get there, or it is being drip fed through to the correct parts of my brain. This is both in the terms of reality and what went on in my mind.

All has changed, all has not. It is me that has changed, my mind set. I know this is the case yet it feels odd. I am finding it hard to find the right words &/or emotions to express all of this.

Today (Tuesday) is the 1st day I can move without letting a little whimper out with any small movement, as my muscles were screaming in pain and had so much lactic acid laying dormant in them! However, I was pleased and happy about the pain I had during and after our ESF course.
Why? It made me feel alive. It made me realise I am alive. The pain means I am alive.

The pain running through all my muscles from my shoulders to my toes, wasn’t a negative pain, it was instead an incredibly positive pain. My body/mind was letting me know that it was very capable & stronger than I ever thought, as it was doing what it was doing, doing what it had done, what I chose to put my mind/body through.
The pain wasn’t a concerning pain, that I am so use to being aware of, where a possible treatment at the hospital would be needed (which involves more pain)… No this was a YES, ALIVE, BUZZING, LIVING!!
As Foxy said to me "You're living right now!" I was. I am. I shall continue to be in the present.

I saw my Parents and Grandad today, I haven't seen them look so proud of me in life. First thing Dad said "You done it!" Yeah we all did! We bloody done it! (Officially crying again!)

I had a momentary flashback to when we were told I may not be able to walk properly again or regain my sight (having lost vision in one eye and half the other)… Devastating to see the shock and horror on my Dads face; two & a half years later and I have completed this! I have proved every consultant, surgeon, Dr - & myself at times - wrong. I have exceeded expectations and gone BEYOND. Making all proud.

One thing I cannot get my head around are all these emotions. I don’t normally show a lot of emotion, but everyday since Sunday I have had a bit of a cry. I don’t know how comfortable I am with this wet stuff coming from my eyes!!
I seem to have had a wave of calm form over me too. That’s comforting.
The emotions I had during BP - Frustration at times when trying to get my coordination, lots of nervous laughter! The latter isn't great when looking down a barrel of a gun or when faced with an angry looking man…

Notable changes for me so far:

• Sleeping better.
• Ok with change of plans last min.
• Getting real organised.
• The big one is this - Having clear goals.

I have got such clear goals that I have set a plan already and have started to put it into motion so that I can achieve them.

If this is what I am registering 3 days after Break-Point, who knows what I will start to discover about myself in the next few days and weeks.

One thing is for sure, I am coming back next year!

Break-Point weekender USF - I'm coming for you stronger, harder, faster, longer, fitter & in a better mind set!

Kate