An elephant sized butterfly that is right in the middle of your chest; happens to weigh the same as a elephant... Shame it couldn't be the butterfly.
I don't normally talk about issues like this on my blog. Why? Society. But, I am in the mood for expressing and getting people to understand my view and how I feel on this. This is a selfish post today. Don't want to read about anxiety and the truth? Turn around now!!
Anxiety - an annoying little Jiminy Cricket that likes to make an appearance when you least expect it, when you're actually 'meant' to be happy.
Yeah, life is bloody brilliant at the moment if I am truly honest!! So, feeling like this actually makes it suck sweaty, cheesy, ball sacks even more!
The last time I felt like this for a long time? About a year ago. Cant even remember it.
Anxiety - something that can be triggered by a small comment, a memory, a situation that is similar to that of the past.
People *Let me rephrase that* Loved ones, those that care, try to make it better by 'cheering' you, giving you life quotes, tasks to do etc. Unfortunately (for me) it doesn't do the trick. It worsens the situation. Hearing comments that can be (and are!) motivational at a time where life is completely overwhelming and am already drowning in a big dark, salty, thrashing, fish tank, with what seems a long and troublesome swim to the opening for fresh air... Well hearing it all is just like putting a great white shark in there to keep me bloody company!! No offence. But ain't exactly what's needed at that moment in time... There isn't a cage for protection. Just like the brain hasn't got its filter for protection.
^Great picture to sum it up^
The only way out, is ME. Self love. Self soothing.
What have I done this time round?
> I was honest with people.
> I have a couple of close friends who are taking every day with me. You know who you are Thank You.
> I am writing a stupid amount of lists for everything. Even the washing up. Why? It clears my head.
> I tick the lists off!! Important, as I feel as though I am achieving.
> I am sticking to my no alcohol for 90 days. Perfect timing as this would just be bad right now!!
> I took a break from exercise as I needed to sleep.
> Spend time outside.
> Put a time limit on devices.
> Have hugs with my Fiancé and watch movies.
> Don't reach for naughty treats like chocolate. Grab that fruit instead. Don't want to feel more crap.
> Organise the week and be ready to go a bit of off piste.
I am working with the above. That and lots of water and English Breakfast Tea.
The reason I have all of a sudden decided to write it out, is if I prove to someone else this is the truth, the real anxiety and its a sucky, poo thing to have, especially when life is fab and these feelings are what I have... We can do it. Life is really weird!! A struggling odd phenomenon.
Also, this has been strangely therapeutic...
Peace Out
Kate
XxX
Oh and cheer bing for the pics
I can see by reading this how you are feeling. It is well written and I hope it has helped you. I know you can get through it, you have determination on your side, submission is out of the question for you Kate.
ReplyDeleteLove you loads. To the mud and back ❤❤❤
Thank You Mum.
DeleteLove you more though xxx
Kate, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for writing this, this is how I felt back in May and for the months afterwards. Which is why I withdrew and with that it got harder to come back.
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know that you are amazing and a beautiful young lady xx
Hi chick (I know who's written this - I shant name) Thank you for your very kind comment. Its hard to come back once you get on a spiral, which is why its important to cling on to as much normality as poss.
DeleteHang in there. See you soon.
XxX